Why will a guy commit a lady in a relationship when it is obvious to him that there is no future for the both of them? And why will a lady commit to a relationship with a guy she knows is not ready to wed her, and yet couple of years later, begins to cry out for a husband.
In every relationship saga, the lady is always the most vulnerable and prone to heartbreaks. But why is it that after so many years of such sad stories, ladies still get involved in stupid relationships. I have always questioned the rationale behind the 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' phenomenon. Except for sex, what other kind of friendship can you not get from each other.
Ladies, i think it is high time you learnt that there is basically a great deal of difference between your emotional configuration and that of the guys. Ladies love with their hearts while guys love with their heads. This explains why stories of heartbreak are always a ladything. How many times d'you hear of a guy being heartbroken? They always seem to have a shock absorber that helps them move on. That is because it was never a heart thing for them in the first place.
Ladies fall by what they hear. Guys fall by what they see. This is why it is always the guys with the right combination of sweet words that get the girls, and the girls with the cute appearance get the guys.
Most importantly, sex is not a treasured experience for most guys. When a girl gives sex, it is usually a sacrifice of her most sacred and most prized possession, in an effort to keep a guy who doesn't deserve her. On the other hand, when a guy gets sex, it is just the satisfaction of a drive or an urge that just came upon him. Have you noticed that most ladies attach the sex experience to a person. For them, it is either this particular guy or no one else. But for the average guy, you know now....
This is why ladies must be very careful. Most times, that guy coming around you is just looking for a good time- a fling, meanwhile you are looking for love, a feeling of security and protection. And then you go looking for answers in the wrong places, and you get burnt.
This is simple logic- Any guy that is willing to sleep with you without bringing your relationship with him within the boundaries of a definite structure that can give you a guarantee (marriage), can also do same with any other girl. Stop deceiving yourself thinking you-re special to him. If you really are, then let him prove it by committing to a marriage covenant with you.
Sisters, be wise!
...and BE INSPIRED, my friends!
+ifedy...
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Purpose Clinic (Part 1)
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, say your prayers, take your bath and dress up for the day. You hit the streets and then begin to wonder “What’s my plan for today”? Very funny, right? But in the real sense of life, most people are like that. Most people live their lives without knowing what on earth they are here for. They have been programmed by default to do certain things which they don’t even understand or appreciate their significance to their individual lives. And because these things are recurrent, they are blinded to the fact that they are making so much movement without any headway. I call it living life in concentric circles.
Concentric circles are two circles that share the same center but different diameters. Concentric circles never intersect. Take one of the circles to be purpose and the other to be actions. Our actions and habits are supposed to be designed as our own unique and individual formula for fulfilling purpose. But the disparity between our purpose and actions make it impossible for the two to have a meeting point and so we keep trying in frustration to bring the two to a meeting point. This is my classical definition of an unfulfilled life. Want an example?
- It is very likely that you made the progression from Nursery school to Primary, to Secondary and then on to the University not really because you saw the relevance of this particular progression to your purpose but because it is the normal thing and everybody is doing it. TRUE OR FALSE?
- Have you ever seen people who graduated from school and never practiced what they studied (not necessarily because there was no job for them)? Or people who after graduating from one course, go back to school to study something else? Or people who are practicing what they studied not because they enjoy it but because they have no other option (You will hear them say things like “If I had my way, I will never have been here”)
A graduate once asked me to help her get a job. I asked her what kind of job she wanted and where she wanted to work. Her answer was “any job, anywhere”, meaning that she never had a purpose for going through school. Probably she was just doing the conventional thing. It is really true that when you do not know where you are going, then anywhere can be your destination.
There are two sets of people in life- Circumstance Driven People and Purpose Driven People.
- Circumstance Driven People are people who base their decisions and actions on the immediate circumstance around them without thinking of the long term consequences of such actions. They are short sighted or myopic. They treat life in isolated circumstances without bothering to ascertain if their decision adds up to bring them to their purpose. Anyway, these ones do not even know what their purpose is. Circumstance driven people are always unfulfilled and demanding for more than they invest in life. Their actions are solely predicated on convention, peer pressure, fad etc.
- Purpose Driven people however, look at the whole vista of life, try to grasp the end from the beginning and then ask themselves, this decision I am about to take, does it fit into the scheme of things? Will my daily decisions congregate to bring me to the resultant point required by my purpose? They do not consider life in isolated circumstances but rather they integrate each circumstance into the bigger picture and view it from that standpoint. Purpose driven people live a fulfilled life and are always seeking more ways to invest in life.
Activity
You must keep a journal exclusively for the purpose of this activity.
Take a mental journey through your life. Have you ever thought about your purpose and how it affects your daily life- your decisions and your actions. Write down your answer in your journal.
Before you go to bed each day, take fifteen minutes to review your daily activities and experiences record them under the various headings:
· Things around me that annoy me
· Things around me that please me
· I should not have done this (here, record the things you regret having done)
· I am proud I did this (here, record the things you’re happy you did)
Keep this habit consistently for a minimum of 12 weeks or more. Review your journal at the end of the period. Isolate those entries that have the highest level of recurrence in each category.
In Part 2, we will deal with how to discover your Purpose Platform.
Recommended Text
In Pursuit of Purpose by Dr. Myles Munroe
The Assignment: Powerful Secrets for Discovering Your Destiny by Mike Murdock
S.H.A.P.E. Finding and Fulfilling Your Unique Purpose for Life by Erik Rees
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Refuse the Scourge of Ignorance
No matter how terrible a man's situation might be, as long as he is willing to learn, he is not yet hopeless.
The greatest enemy of mankind is not the devil, as most preachers or books may tell you. It can't be the devil because Jesus the Christ defeated him on the cross about two millennia ago, and bought for us, freedom from him. Mankind's greatest enemy is ignorance. The only time Satan can have dominion over you is when you cooperate with him, by refusing to seek information or knowledge. Ignorance, of course is associated with darkness. No wonder the devil is called the prince of darkness.
If you seek growth this year, then you must make a covenant with yourself to seek knowledge as if your whole life depends on it (of course it does, when you seek the right knowledge). Of course, knowledge is synonymous with light. No wonder the Holy Book says, "The entrance of your word gives light and understanding to the simple."
Nothing in life is yours until you understand it. How i wish you know the amazing resources God has placed at your disposal on earth. But you under utilize these resources because information to understand how it works is hidden from you. But the good news is that you can find it, if you seek it. For when you seek, you shall find!
Discover God's purpose for your life. Then begin to seek relevant information that can help you achieve that. Read books. Buy tapes and CDs. I personally listen to at least four tapes/CDs a day, and two books a month. It will change your life, and your productivity quotient will shoot up like magic, i promise you. Even you, will be amazed by the level of results you'll begin to deliver. When you go online, don't just facebook, or chat, or read about football clubs, etc. Seek information.
By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding, her pillars are established. How will you be built if you lack wisdom and understanding. And how can you have wisdom without information?
The Internet is the greatest tool and gift that the 21st Century gave to us. Take advantage of that. Refuse to be ignorant this year. You need knowledge to grow.
Remember, that all you need for life is wrapped up in the Word. That is your primary and most authentic source of information.
When you make the quest for information your greatest passion and pastime this year, your growth will assume geometric proportions and you will outperform your contemporaries. Be sure to let me know when you start seeing the results, because i'm so sure it'll happen!
Welcome to your year of Extra Measure, and...BE INSPIRED, my friend!
+ifedy...
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
NATIONAL DIAGNOSIS
Nigeria was in the next couple of weeks, will be 50 years old. 50 years of independence, we say. But a question has always gnawed at my heart [being myself a student of leadership] and the question is- ‘has Nigeria really gained independence?’ to answer this question, I will briefly explain the concept of deliverance and freedom as I learnt from Myles Munroe.
Deliverance happens for a person when his master lets him go or discharges him. Freedom however happens for a person when he allows his mindset to transform to reflect his deliverance. Deliverance therefore is an outward, physical and observable process but freedom is an inward transformation that reflects outwardly in conduct and character.
To drive this point home, let us quickly look at a classical example in scriptures- the Israeli Nation. God raised for Israel a deliverer named Moses whom He used to bring them out of the captivity in Egypt. That was deliverance. We all know the story of their journey to the promised land- a journey of 40 days that took them 40 years. Countless times they wished they were back in Egypt eating cucumber and garlic. Despite all the wonders God had done which they also were witnesses of, they saw themselves as inferior to the Anaks and the Nephilims. They had been delivered but they were not yet free. Freedom is not an event; freedom is a state of mind.
There is no true freedom without corresponding responsibility. But that word responsibility is alien and foreign to the slave because all his life, he has been the responsibility of his master. He depends on the master for food, shelter, clothing etc. The slave does not understand what it means to be responsible because all he does is the bidding of the master. In law, it is called the principle of vicarious responsibility and it says that a master is responsible for the torteous act committed by his servant in the course of discharging his lawful duties assigned to him by his master.
Another way to construe freedom is a state of internal or self government. This happens when an individual has imbibed the value system that lets him understand that he is responsible for all his actions and therefore places him in a posture where he thinks and acts responsibly. The truth is that in any society where the self government or internal government of the people is weak, then the external government is strong. If for example I am not able to teach myself to pay my school fees on time, then the school administration will introduce sanctions and deadlines so as to compel me to do so. I am now paying my fees not because I know I should pay, but because I want to avoid being penalized by the school. This is how weak internal government empowers external government. Weak internal or self government reflects the absence of freedom. It is therefore possible for a people to get deliverance and yet not be free. The relationship between the two is that deliverance sets the stage for freedom to happen for a people.
October 1 1960, Nigeria sent her colonial masters packing. That was deliverance. But 48 years later, the question is ‘are we really free’? Yes, they have left our geographical borders, but what of our mental territory? One truth I hold so dear and I tell my audience everywhere I speak is that at the heart of human change is the change of the human heart. There is no true, long lasting progress without a total overhaul of the people’s value system. No wonder God said to Joshua, this book of My value system shall not depart out of your mouth, meditate on it day and night, and let it form the template with which your actions are scripted and you will be prosperous and successful. [Joshua 1:8, paraphrased]. Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of God and His value system and every other thing you need is settled [Matt. 6:33, paraphrased]. The truth is that until this nation acknowledges the role of God and His value system in the role of National transformation, we will remain delivered but without freedom. It is only he whom the Son sets free that is free indeed. If it is knowledge of the truth that can set one free, then freedom truly is a mindset because all knowledge is stored in the mind.
If this nation must be free, we must embark on an aggressive and far reaching values re-orientation drive- from the apex to the grassroots. Each one of us must take personal responsibility first of his own self and then his brother. We must learn to look inwards first before looking elsewhere. Our paradigm must shift from fault finding to fault fixing. We must learn not to blame the government for our many problems. After all it is a corrupt society that produces a corrupt leadership. The problem is with internal government. If only we can get it right on a personal level, then we can get it right on the national level.
In this year of jubilee, I hear heavens singing a song of jubilee over our airspace but then we need to raise a corresponding refrain to the song of heaven so we can receive of God’s bounty in our nation. This can only be achieved if we focus on our individual selves. Yes, Nigeria can be changed, but one man at a time. We have to stop this holier than thou looking out for the other person, start looking inwards and do a clean-up of our lives. The other person will surely see and follow. Nigeria has become synonymous with rhetoric- all talk and little action. Now is the time to get knee deep into our private little messes and clean them out and guess what, when all of our mess is gone, Nigeria’s mess is gone. Are you ready? THEN LET’S GET TO WORK.
If we do, then maybe the answer to my opening poser in the next couple of months will be – Yes, Nigeria has really gained independence.
NIGERIA, GOOD PEOPLE, GREAT NATION
Deliverance happens for a person when his master lets him go or discharges him. Freedom however happens for a person when he allows his mindset to transform to reflect his deliverance. Deliverance therefore is an outward, physical and observable process but freedom is an inward transformation that reflects outwardly in conduct and character.
To drive this point home, let us quickly look at a classical example in scriptures- the Israeli Nation. God raised for Israel a deliverer named Moses whom He used to bring them out of the captivity in Egypt. That was deliverance. We all know the story of their journey to the promised land- a journey of 40 days that took them 40 years. Countless times they wished they were back in Egypt eating cucumber and garlic. Despite all the wonders God had done which they also were witnesses of, they saw themselves as inferior to the Anaks and the Nephilims. They had been delivered but they were not yet free. Freedom is not an event; freedom is a state of mind.
There is no true freedom without corresponding responsibility. But that word responsibility is alien and foreign to the slave because all his life, he has been the responsibility of his master. He depends on the master for food, shelter, clothing etc. The slave does not understand what it means to be responsible because all he does is the bidding of the master. In law, it is called the principle of vicarious responsibility and it says that a master is responsible for the torteous act committed by his servant in the course of discharging his lawful duties assigned to him by his master.
Another way to construe freedom is a state of internal or self government. This happens when an individual has imbibed the value system that lets him understand that he is responsible for all his actions and therefore places him in a posture where he thinks and acts responsibly. The truth is that in any society where the self government or internal government of the people is weak, then the external government is strong. If for example I am not able to teach myself to pay my school fees on time, then the school administration will introduce sanctions and deadlines so as to compel me to do so. I am now paying my fees not because I know I should pay, but because I want to avoid being penalized by the school. This is how weak internal government empowers external government. Weak internal or self government reflects the absence of freedom. It is therefore possible for a people to get deliverance and yet not be free. The relationship between the two is that deliverance sets the stage for freedom to happen for a people.
October 1 1960, Nigeria sent her colonial masters packing. That was deliverance. But 48 years later, the question is ‘are we really free’? Yes, they have left our geographical borders, but what of our mental territory? One truth I hold so dear and I tell my audience everywhere I speak is that at the heart of human change is the change of the human heart. There is no true, long lasting progress without a total overhaul of the people’s value system. No wonder God said to Joshua, this book of My value system shall not depart out of your mouth, meditate on it day and night, and let it form the template with which your actions are scripted and you will be prosperous and successful. [Joshua 1:8, paraphrased]. Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of God and His value system and every other thing you need is settled [Matt. 6:33, paraphrased]. The truth is that until this nation acknowledges the role of God and His value system in the role of National transformation, we will remain delivered but without freedom. It is only he whom the Son sets free that is free indeed. If it is knowledge of the truth that can set one free, then freedom truly is a mindset because all knowledge is stored in the mind.
If this nation must be free, we must embark on an aggressive and far reaching values re-orientation drive- from the apex to the grassroots. Each one of us must take personal responsibility first of his own self and then his brother. We must learn to look inwards first before looking elsewhere. Our paradigm must shift from fault finding to fault fixing. We must learn not to blame the government for our many problems. After all it is a corrupt society that produces a corrupt leadership. The problem is with internal government. If only we can get it right on a personal level, then we can get it right on the national level.
In this year of jubilee, I hear heavens singing a song of jubilee over our airspace but then we need to raise a corresponding refrain to the song of heaven so we can receive of God’s bounty in our nation. This can only be achieved if we focus on our individual selves. Yes, Nigeria can be changed, but one man at a time. We have to stop this holier than thou looking out for the other person, start looking inwards and do a clean-up of our lives. The other person will surely see and follow. Nigeria has become synonymous with rhetoric- all talk and little action. Now is the time to get knee deep into our private little messes and clean them out and guess what, when all of our mess is gone, Nigeria’s mess is gone. Are you ready? THEN LET’S GET TO WORK.
If we do, then maybe the answer to my opening poser in the next couple of months will be – Yes, Nigeria has really gained independence.
NIGERIA, GOOD PEOPLE, GREAT NATION
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